Angel From Hell
by DARWIN51
Summary: Based off the promo. Takes place after episode 1. Amy decides Allison needs a rebound after Evan. Allison knows this "dream guy" Amy talks about doesn't exist, and neither do angels, for that matter. Right? ((no copyright infringement intended))
1. Chapter 1

Angel from Hell 1

 **A/N: So as of right now, October 2015, Angel From Hell has not premiered yet, and won't until February (ugh). But I've watched every available video and interview I know of for it, and as a long time die-hard (and die-harder) Psych fan, I'm already looking towards the cast's next bi g things, whatever they may be. I tried to stay in character to the best of my knowledge so far. I've also started the categories for Crumbs (Maggie Lawson, Fred Savage) and Back In The Game (Maggie Lawson, James Caan) both which got cancelled. But that won't happen this time! (That's my Buffalo Bills/Sabres fan spirit. "This is our year for sure!")**

 **Hopefully this show will have more luck than Buffalo's disgraceful yet lovable sports teams :)**

 **No copyright infringement intended. I do not own the characters or the plot or any recognizable yada yada yada. Any relations to any persons living or dead is actually the point because this is a fanfiction.**

 **Set to take place after episode 1**

Allison cursed as the tip of the mechanical pencil snapped and skittered across the page for the fifth time. Tossing the pencil aside, she snatched a pen from the mug on her desk that also had a little Irish flag sticking out of it. She began to write with the pen, only to realize that the only mark it was leaving on the paper were scratched indents. She pulled over a pad of sticky notes with a small grumble and scribbled the pen across the pad violently, but it was completely dry. With a frustrated groan, she chucked the pen into the waste basket next to her large oak desk.

When she turned back, there was a hand reaching across the center of her desk, holding out a pen to her. "Oh my god!" She yelped with a jump of surprise. She followed the hand up the arm of the person holding it. Of course, Amy was right there.

"Didn't mean to startle you, kid. You're a doctor, why are you writing in pencil anyway?" She had one foot up on the chair that sat facing Allison's desk.

"These are notes, and what the hell are you doing here!? This is my office!" She urged just above a whisper.

Amy belched. "Yeah. And I'm your weird friend. And what are friends for but bringing you a nice cup of coffee in the middle of a stressful workday?" She held out a cup of steaming Starbucks coffee that previously hadn't been there.

Allison looked at it for a moment, mouth agape. "What did you put in it? And how do you know I'm having a stressful day? And _what did you put in it?"_

"Always the skeptic." Amy rolled her eyes. "Just a cream, little bit o' brandy, shot of nutmeg…"

"Okay, no." Allison pushed Amy's hand holding the drink away from her.

"Jeez, I'm just trying to be nice, and I know you like nutmeg."

"Look, _Amy_ , let's get one thing straight: This is my workplace. I have a very good, stable job and I'm not risking that by having you show up randomly around my office. And I don't need you scaring my patients away. Who let you in?"

"I flirted with the nice man at the reception desk. You should consider hitting that." Amy pulled a flask out of her boot.

"…That's a _woman._ "

"Huh. But he has a mustache."

"It's a disorder called hypertrichosis caused by an androgen imbalance-"

"Alright alright, no need to go all… _dermatologist_ on me. You can just say, "I don't want to hit that, Amy, I'm not into that sort of stuff, please find me someone else to bed tonight."" Amy mocked in a high pitched voice.

"I do not sound like that." Allison stated.

Amy took a swig. "You're going to if you don't getchyourself another man. _Rebound_." She pumped her fist.

"I broke up with Evan _yesterday._ And I'm certainly not in any hurry to get back on the scene."

"What about that guy? He's cute. Your type." Amy craned her neck to see through the window over the man's cubicle wall more. "Probably got a bigger package than Evan."

"Jesus! That's my cousin!"

"Wow. You really need to get away from work. How about I take you out to a club tonight? Some girl time. Party _in_. It'll be fun."

"No." Allison looked back down at her papers and resorted back to the pencil again to make herself look busy. The tip snapped again.

"Honey. Look at yourself. You know why that keeps happening? Because you're _stressed out._ And I know exactly what you need in a time like this. You need a _man_ to make you forget everything but his name for a few minutes. You haven't gotten a proper _lovin'_ in almost a year!"

"You know Evan was my boyfriend, right? What do you think we _did?_ Why… am I still appeasing you by responding to your absurdity. I have work to do. Leave my office. Now. I'll call security."

"The " _security"_ is some random dude who didn't even qualify for a janitor's position. Your dad felt bad for him and hired him anyway. You never even see him anyway! By the way, he's in the Bahamas right now." She set the flask down precariously close to Allison's paperwork. "I know Evan's little "shrinky-dink" never gave you the lovin' that you need just as much as you know it."

"I've never said "shrinky-dink."

"But you've thought it."

"Okay, how do you know every intimate and embarrassing detail of my life and love to talk about them in public, but you don't even know who my cousin is!?"

Amy shrugged. "Lucky guess."

Allison sighed and gave her a death glare, knowing Amy wasn't going to leave until Amy felt like it.

"Alright, look. My job is to protect _you._ I only intervene when I think _you're_ not being treated right, and clearly your cousin's never done anything bad to you because he's not on my radar. What, do you think I sit around all day watching an Allison TV? I'd be bored to _death._ I watch some Seinfeld."

Allison wasn't even offended. "Well, clearly you're wrong, because he _has_ done something bad to me, and you weren't there to "protect" me, were you? He put a-"

"Yeah yeah, I know, his name is Joshua and he put a snake in your bathing suit when you were nine and it bit you on the _lips_ , and you had to have an emergency room doctor look at it which was one of your most embarrassing moments, wasn't it?" Amy laughed like they were good friends sharing old memories.

Allison's jaw dropped.

"Don't worry. I didn't protect you in that _exact_ moment. Lost a bet with his guardian angel… But I made sure we got our revenge…"

Allison looked shocked even further. " _You_ broke his pitching arm!?"

"And proud." Amy bragged.

"You know that ended his chances of having a baseball career."

"Oh, please, _you_ could chuck a baseball better than he could, just nobody ever recognized it. No one thought a _girl_ could play."

Allison was silent for a moment while she thought things over. The evidence of this woman actually being her protector of some sort was piling up, and Allison, as a skeptic, wanted to learn more. "Okay: If you agree to leave my office right now and not show up in my workplace ever again, I will go to a club with you tonight."

"A week."

"What?"

"Asking me to _never_ show up here forever is asking a lot. How about for a week."

"B-"

"I hope you know you're not getting a better offer."

"…Fine. Just… no more blurting embarrassing things about me in public, alright? You seem to really like doing that, in an almost sadistic way."

"Maybe. This is gonna be _fun!_ We're gonna find you a real _man_ with a lot goin' on _downthere._ " Amy winked at her. "And not in the herpes kind of way."

"You can't know the size of a man's dick just by looking at him."

Amy laughed loudly. "Oh, honey, you have so much to learn. I'll show you a trick or two." She grinned and slipped the flask back in her boot. "I'll pick you up after work."

"You ride a bicycle." Allison pointed out.

"Touché. Okay, you'll pick me up, but I'll be waiting right next to your car in the parking garage."

"It's creepy."

"That's how I do." Amy pulled another flask out of her shirt and tipped it to the sky as she walked out, but not before walking straight into the door jamb, and choking a little bit.

Allison sighed and rubbed her eyes, not entirely convinced the previous conversation had just happened. She stuck her arm out blindly for her pencil, and knocked over something metal. Looking up with dread, she saw that Amy had left yet another open flask on her desk, which was now spilling all over her notes.

" _What_ the hell did you just agree to?" She whispered to herself.

~/~


	2. Chapter 2

Angel From Hell 2

"Okay, give it to me straight. What _exactly_ do you know about me?" Allison wondered once they were in the car on the way to some club.

Amy belched. "Everything."

Allison was doubtful of this, or just really hoping it wasn't true. "Can you read my mind?"

Amy had started picking under her nails with the bristles of Allison's hairbrush. "No. But I know more… _spiritual_ things. Your hopes and dreams. Your fears, your ambitions, things that worry you the most."

"Really? Mhmm. What's my biggest fear?" Allison had never told anyone this, and it certainly hadn't been posted on social media. This was a true test.

"That someone you love will die a preventable death." Amy said.

Allison froze and her heart sped up just a bit.

"I know, you were thinking tornados, right? That's what you think your biggest fear is. Tornados. Pah! But I know more… the things you don't necessarily admit to yourself. Make a left here."

Allison _had_ been thinking tornados. But looking back on her life, she had everything to fear of more preventable deaths, and nothing to really fear of tornados.

"The thing is, Honey," Amy poked her arm. "That you're more afraid of the death of someone close to you, than your own death."

"Where are you getting all this information?" Allison asked, her voice light and raspy.

" _You!_ Take the next right."

Allison shook her head. She couldn't even believe this lady was sitting in the car with her. Maybe she was going crazy. Although Amy had been flirting with her brother, so she definitely wasn't the only person that saw her…

"Here we are." Amy announced.

""Polar Ice Bar &Lounge"?"

"Yes! Isn't it great? The name almost makes you forget how sweaty everyone is around you on the dance floor."

"That's real nice. I need a drink, and I'm going home. I don't dance."

"Sure you do, kid. It'll be just like high school all over again."

"I hated high school."

"Well that's why we have alcohol, isn't it!" Amy practically dragged Allison out of the car and into the bar.

Inside, the music was loud, the baseline thumping deeply in Allison's chest, the lights were colorful and sporadic, and the air was hot and moist.

"You couldnt've picked someplace… cleaner?" Allison asked with slight disgust as she stepped around two men grinding to the music.

Amy led her to two stools at the long, silvery, modern bar. "Clean bars is where you find clean men with boring office jobs and briefcases, living out their boring lives enjoying mommy and daddy's trust funds."

Allison looked at her. "…That's _exactly_ what I want."

"No it's not. That's your _realistic, idealistic_ man. Not the type of man you _need_."

"And what type of man do I _"need"_?"

Amy glanced around the bar. " _You_ need a man who will take you to the _wildside._ A man who will make you feel dirty and beautiful at the same time. A man whose life isn't dictated by an office-hours- _ninetofive_ -by-the-books schedule. You need a man with a bigger shlang than Evan." Her voice went flat at that last sentence. "And on top of all that, he has to be able to tolerate _you._ "

Allison gave her a look.

"Now, a man with almost all those standards surprisingly isn't too hard to find. Except for that last bit of criteria…"

"I'm gonna stick with the boring office guy, thanks." Allison picked up the drink Amy had ordered her, and after carefully watching the bartender mix it a minute ago, took a sip.

"Oh come on. Don't tell me you weren't totally turned on by that dirty-and-beautiful bit I just said."

Allison shifted uncomfortably. "Well, I'm also turned on by guys in crisp blue-collar dress shirts with a sexy tie that's perfect for pulling on."

"Oh please, you've had that _once_ , and he turned out to be a conservative _nutjob_."

"How, how the hell do you know everything?"

"I think we've been over this."

"Yes but why? Why are you here _now?_ " Allison put the drink down until she got an answer.

"I told you, because I saw you going down the _wrong_ path with Evan and Jill. You needed a little guidance."

Allison gave a short, sharp sarcastic laugh. "Oh, so of all the _wrong paths_ I've been down in my _life,_ you choose NOW to intervene? This is NOTHING in comparison to some other shit I've been through! Where were you for that, huh?"

"Honey, there's nothing I could've done in the past that would've changed the outcome." Amy's voice was soft.

" _Really?_ You couldnt've said, "Allison, don't drink that, somebody drugged it." Or, "Allison, don't let your brother get in the car with a _drunk man_ behind the wheel." Or, "Allison, don't get into that fight with Lucas, because he's planning to _commit suicide_ in two days." Or, "Allison, don't forget to tell your mother you love her, because that's the last time you'll ever see her."" Allison was understandably in tears by the end of her little speech.

"Alright, alright, I get it." Amy said, a little teary herself having seen all those events as well.

"Are you crying?"

"No! That last burp was a little spicy. Those fajitas will really sneak up on you. Look, Ally, can I call you that? I've always called you that in my head. I know you say you don't like it but-"

"Get to your point. If you really are what you claim to be, which I still don't believe, then I want to know where you were when all this shit happened in my life. If you're a "guardian angel", you're a really shitty one, you know that?"

Amy was actually hurt. "Alright kid, listen, I can't see the future, okay? I can just give an honest, outsider's perspective on your life, and I could see that Evan was cheating on you. Admittedly, I probably coulda told you about the drink, but I tried to intervene as little as possible. I didn't see Brad's car crash coming, nor did I see Lucas's and your mother's deaths. I care about you, and believe me when I say like hell I woulda done something if I could. I'm sorry, kid."

Allison turned away from her and rested her elbows on the bar, and her head in her hands. "I can't even believe I'm having this conversation with you. I'm going crazy. That's it, I'm going crazy."

"I _have_ helped you out before, though! Remember when you befriended that neighborhood kid who everybody picked on? I made you do that. I could see that his parents were abusive, and _you_ ended up being the reason he didn't think he was worth complete shit. _You_ saved him. He's got a wife and kids now! He owns a bank! He might've resorted to drugs or suicide if it weren't for you."

"That's great." Allison muttered. "I changed the life of some kid I don't even know anymore. Wonderful."

Amy slapped Allison's rear end, making her jump and sit up straight on the bar stool. "What the hell was that for?"

"We're here to find you a man, not sulk about your life. That's what _real_ bars are for. Chin up, kid, I'm trying to sell you as something remotely attractive."

Allison straightened and fixed her hair self-consciously with a frown. "You can't tell someone's personality just by looking at them."

"I thought we were going for dick size." Amy said flatly, turning to stare at Allison again.

Allison shrugged it off casually with a small, "Either-or."

"Excellent. How about this one?" Amy asked as she stuck her foot out in the path of a man walking by. He tripped and fell to the floor, dropping both glasses he was carrying and spilling them.

"Oh my god!" Allison cried. "I'm so sorry! Are you alright? I'm _sosorry!_ " She knelt down to help him pick up the glasses which thankfully hadn't shattered.

"Did you do that?" He asked, head down picking up the now empty glass.

Allison looked behind her to find that Amy had disappeared. She made a note-to-self to kill Amy next time she saw her. "Yeah, that was me. Sorry again, I-"

He picked his head up and they stood at the same time. He was wearing a white dress shirt with a thin black tie. His brown hair was gelled forward into a wavy spike, and he had the cliché 5-o-clock-shadow going. "It's… no problem." He said to her. "It was probably my fault."

"No! I mean, uh, no, it was mine. Let me buy you two new…whatever that was."

"It was water." He laughed. "My girlfriend doesn't drink." He motioned to a booth across the room.

"Oh, your… okay, Excuse me! Um, two waters, please." She chuckled nervously.

He smiled and stuck his hand out. "Peter." He said.

"Oh. A-Allison." She replied, shaking his hand. That's when she noticed the slight bit of tattoo showing from under his sleeve at his wrist, and up under his collar on his shoulder. Now the world made sense. Having a dream guy literally fall right at her feet seemed too easy. He had a girlfriend and tattoos. It was a gentle rejection.

Peter reached in front of her to take the drinks as the bartender set them out. "See ya around, Allison." He smiled warmly. She tried to respond but her brain had momentarily forgotten how to make words.

She watched him walk away. When she finally turned back around, Amy was sitting on the stool next to her expectantly. "Well? You gonna hit that?"

"Nice try. He has a girlfriend."

"Oh, _please_ , he doesn't have a _girlfriend_." Amy laughed.

"Yes, he does! Look over there!" She pointed to where Peter now sat in a booth with his arm around another woman.

"Nuh-uh. Look closer. See those two sitting with them? _They're_ a couple. Can't you tell what this is here? Peter's not interested in her, and she's not really into Peter. Actually, to be honest, she's a closeted lesbian, but that's beside the point. _It's a double date_. They're not really interested, they just did this to appease their friends."

"Really?"

"Honey, he introduced himself. He said _see you around._ " She gave Allison a knowing look. "He totally wants it."

"What?"

"He wants it, kid. He wants to git up _inthere._ " Amy made a pointing motion to Allison's skirt.

Allison swatted her hand and frowned at her.

"Go ask him out."

"He's on a date!"

"So wait til he leaves. Corner him near his car."

"That's a stalker move. That's a _you_ move."

"Go over there, stand on the table, and strip. _Trustme_ , works every time. Make sure your panties land on his face."

Allison made a disgusted noise and turned away again.

Amy leaned in so Allison had to listen to her. "Listen honey, he's your best bet in this joint. Based on the looks of the rest of these people, I'm betting you could catch STDs with a butterfly net in here."

"He has tattoos."

"Yeah. And it makes you feel wet and dangerous, which is something you've only ever felt before when you and that black guy rolled off the edge of your bed while you were _doingit._ " Amy laughed loudly.

"I don't know why you're laughing, that actually hurt…" Allison recalled, blushing. "Besides, I don't know if I can date a man with tattoos all the way up his arm."

"How do you know it goes all the way up?"

"How do you know it doesn't?"

"Let's just say I know things but you'll have to find out for yourself."

"What things do you _know?_ "

Amy sighed. "He rolled up his sleeves earlier when he went to take a whiz."

"You followed him into the _bathroom!?_ "

"Sure. Why do you sound so surprised? By the way, I think he's a much better _fit_ for you than Evan."

"Oh. _Mygod_." Allison muttered. "I'm going home." She stood up.

"You're not driving." Amy said, dangling Allison's keys.

"Why not?"

"You've been drinking."

"And so have you! You're _not_ driving my car."

" _Relax._ I wasn't going to. Call Brad to come pick us up. He doesn't pay rent, so he owes us _something."_

"Or, I wait til it's out of my system. One hour."

"You wanna stay _here_ for another hour? Ooh! I've got an idea! Get Peter to give you a ride home!"

"What if he's been drinking too?"

"He ordered a water! Look, his friends are leaving! This is perfect! Go stand outside and play the sad drunk girl who can't find her way home. Go ask him for a ride. But say it like that. _A riide._ Tell him to _you a riiiiiide. Give it to you real good._ " Amy had closed her eyes to make little kissy faces at Allison, and re opened them to find Allison gone and an elderly man standing in front of her, giving her a creeped out look. She gave him _thenod."_ Hey there."

Allison had gone outside, but not to ask Peter for a ride home. If Amy had her keys, she would rather walk home than call her brother or ask a stranger, or wait it out in that craphole. It was going to take her at least an hour to walk home from here. In the dark, through the city, with rapists and drug dealers hiding around every corner. Great.

A car pulled up next to her and slowed to match her pace, which seemed agonizingly slow on a car. The window rolled down.

 _Great_ , she thought. _This is where I get kidnapped and sold into underground slavery and shipped off to Indonesia where I live out the rest of my days working in sweatshops for pennies and being a prostitute on the side until I finally jump from my place of employment to my death and they have to scrape me off the sidewalk-_

"Do you want me to call you a cab?" A somewhat familiar voice came out of the window, to Allison's surprise. "It's much safer."

"Um, I'm, you don't need to do that." Allison stopped walking and Peter stopped his car. It was a shiny black boxy SUV.

"Well, I'd offer you a ride but that would probably seem creepy. You seem like a sensible type of girl who wouldn't take rides from strangers. Then again, you _are_ walking down the city streets at ten o'clock at night."

"It's only ten!?" Allison asked. Wow, going out to clubs and staying up til _ten o'clock_. What a badass she was becoming.

"Yeah. I usually wake up pretty early so I don't like to stay out too late. Sorry, that was kinda irrelevant." He laughed softly.

"No, that's fine. I get up early too. I'm a doctor." Why did she just say that? Why would _that_ matter?

"A doctor? Wow. I'm an elementary school gym teacher, so that's kinda lame in comparison, huh?" He laughed softly again, which she told herself is probably an annoying habit of his and so he would annoy the crap out of her but that laugh certainly was sexy. "Hey, how far do you live from here?"

Allison looked off in the distance, as if she could see her house from here. "About five miles."

"You were gonna _walk_ five miles?…If you don't think it's too creepy, I could give you a ride. I promise not to do anything kidnapper-ey." He struggled to make up the last word as he went.

Going against every one of her better judgments, Allison agreed, some part of her accepting she was probably being kidnapped to become a human sacrifice to the illuminati.

Allison got in the passenger seat, one hand on the pepper spray in her purse. Although, that would be a really bad idea since he was driving the car. She told him her neighborhood, and he started to drive away.

"I'm surprised a _doctor_ would be hanging around in a craphole like Polar Ice." He chuckled softly, clearly not afraid of offending her if she actually _did_ like that craphole.

"My friend dragged me here, by no choice of my own." She admitted.

He chuckled that same laugh again. "Same here. So, what kind of doctor are you?"

Allison was a pretty guarded person, and she knew he was just trying to make conversation, but she just wasn't that talkative of a person. Another downside about him, she told herself, knowing she was intentionally looking for flaws. "Dermatologist." She replied shortly.

He nodded. "Skin, right?"

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Right." Though she feigned disinterest, her eyes momentarily betrayed her as they strayed just below the steering wheel, wondering if what Amy said about spying on him in the men's room was true. That's when she noticed it. Of course. Now it all made sense why someone seemingly almost perfect for her had fallen right in front of her. He had the one fatal flaw she looks for in guys.

She watched his dangling keychain with disgust. He was a Red Sox fan.

"You don't talk much" He said.

"I don't know you." She replied.

"Hey, that's fair. Stranger danger, you know. We teach the kids that all the time."

"You have _kids?_ "

He laughed _again_. "No, I meant in school."

"Oh." She thought he had been joking about being a gym teacher, to try and sound like a saint so she would get in his car. She kept herself quiet and guarded for the rest of the ride, aside from telling him directions to her house.

As he pulled up to her house, neither of them could ignore the blatantly obvious figure sitting on the roof outside the window above the garage, on a lawn chair and in his underwear. Brad was _literally_ reading the newspaper.

Peter laughed softly as the headlights on the garage door made Brad jump. "Your boyfriend?"

Allison let a bit of sass slip into her response. "Nice try. My brother."

"Ah. So, uh, thanks… for the waters." He laughed, not sure what he was thanking her for once he started.

"Right. Well you're welcome for tripping you and making you drive me home." She replied.

As she was getting out of the car, he tore off a piece of a pizza menu from the glove compartment and scribbled something quickly on it. "Hey, uh…" He started.

She turned back.

"Life is short, you know?" He said knowingly. "I like to live with no regrets. And I'd regret it if I didn't give this to you. Just… for the heck of it." He held out the slip of paper to her, and she watched him carefully as she took it.

"Didn't you have a girlfriend at the club?" Allison asked, not wanting to be the mistress side of a cheating situation and put someone else through what she had been through with Evan and Jill.

"Ha! Nah," He said. "It was a friend's-girlfriend's-best-friend one-time kind of thing. So, maybe I'll see ya," He gave her a nod as she went to close the door. "Maybe not. But it was nice meeting you, Allison."

"Nice to meet you, Peter." She replied, her doctor's politeness finally showing itself for once this evening.

He was out of the driveway and down the street before she was even through the front door. Once the door was open, she stepped back outside to search for a walnut on the ground and chuck it up at her brother. "You're an embarrassment to the neighborhood!" She called up jokingly.

His _ouch!_ Let her know she had hit her target. "You're just jealous because you can't get away with it!" He called back down.

She smiled to herself as she entered the dark house, reaching for the nearest light so she could read what Peter had handed to her.

She jumped in surprise to find Amy sitting on her couch, chewing something noisily and picking her toenails with a paperclip. "Did you get some dick or digits?"

Allison checked the paper. "Digits." She confirmed.

Amy belched. "Lame. For how long it took you to get home, you shoulda at least gotten a little action."

Allison rolled her eyes and walked past Amy, hoping that if she pretended she wasn't there, she might go away.

Amy followed her into the kitchen. "So? Am I a matchmaker or what? By the way you're out of pickles."

"I don't think I had pickles to begin with."

"That's your problem. I made myself a BLT and I couldn't even complete it because there were no damned pickles."

"…Can angels say "damned"?" Allison wondered.

"Can angels say "You shoulda sucked his cock you fucking son of a bitch"?"

Allison shrugged it off. "There are no pickles in a BLT."

"Then you're spelling it wrong."

Allison frowned at her.

"So? Match made in heaven? Actually on Earth, because heaven's kind of a shithole, honey. But are you gonna get that _or what?_ " Amy bounced excitedly.

"Nice try. You got almost everything right about him…"

"Except…?" Amy asked.

"He's a Red Sox fan."

~/~

 **Peter played by James Roday, if you want**.


End file.
